Apologies for such a late update I sit here typing this on my nightman shift. It's only 1:24 am right now but it's already dead. The busy season has come and gone. Our hostel is no longer overflowing with tourists. Time is slower now and it allows for reflection. For the last week or so I've taken more than a few walks by myself to get a better feel for my new home and just to clear my head and chat with God. I honestly can barely recall what has happened in the last week except that I've learned that the only reason for me waking up in the morning is by the strength that God gives me. Though the friends around me help in the end we all stumble and fall. But there is such beauty in our imperfection for it allows the glory of God to be seen through us. When God moves us to do things people see that it is not by our wills alone we do them. For we are all selfish. I know I'm rambling and this wasn't the greatest update but I leave you with a verse that I have just started to understand recently.

James 1:2-3
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."

A Great Architect, A Grand Design.

My prayer for the this entire trip was to be challenged, to be pushed to seek God deeper and to learn why I do the things I do. I've discovered that when you ask your Father for something you are answered in spades. A few nights ago I was challenged to question who I was and if I found identity in my image or in being a child of God. This question struck me deeply for it was something that I had not put much thought into for quite a few years. So my mind raced back and forth for hours testing the depths of my actions from my stretched ears to my tattoos wondering why I did such things. Did these things define who I am? If so than there was a problem. I was supposed to be a child of God before all things. If these physical things were an obstacle to that than there was no doubt in my mind what I had to do.

Self-expression can be perverted and used for selfish gain which sides your actions with the rest of the world, which follows Satan. Am I one of those individuals that uses my body to glorify myself so I get special attention? I found my answer difficult. When I was younger I would have to say definitely yes. What I did to my body set me apart from the rest of society which made me feel superior in some ways. But today I can so no. I tire of individuals rude responses to my appearance.

But does this mean I should get rid of these things? To stop in my pursuit of tattoos as well? After more talk with others and prayer I came to the conclusion that I should not. Over and over in my life I have felt the weight of conviction on me. More than a few of those times have been while I have lived at the Shelter. I felt the same conviction 2 years ago when I decided to stop stretching my ears and close them up. Why then did I decide to restretch my ears? Because I felt compelled. I realized I didn't care about what people thought about them but that I missed them for some odd reason.

Tattoos and piercings do not define me I've realized. They are only forms of expression that help better explain who I am. First and foremost I am a child of God I have died and become reborn in Christ. I strive every day to cast away my sinful ways and become a better example of Christ's love. God has made me who I am. I man who finds his expression through words and body. I finally fully accept the person that the Lord has molded me to be.

When in Rome

So our Jesus loving manager Jahn decided to take about 14 of us out on his boat to a bridge on the other side of town which we illegally jump off of every few weeks. But the story of this blog doesn't revolve around the destination but the journey itself. You see, Jahn forgot to take into account that it was Gay Pride week and the Gay Pride Parade was being held in the canals. So unbeknown to our fearless captain we were going to sail straight into the oncoming parade. When we arrived it was all scantily clad men and bass heavy techno on boats. Our manager furiously tried to find an exit but the police stopped the boat in its tracks and told Jahn that the only way to get through the canals was to follow the parade. So in the middle of the parade there we were; a boat of fully clothed christian individuals staring in slight bewilderment at the chaos of thongs and mascara that greeted our eyes. Thousands of people lined the canals dancing and shouting as loud techno music boomed from the speakers of the passing parade boats. Due to the fact that most of us were unsmiling and all of us were fully clothed we were the ultimate buzz kill. Immediately when our boat came into view people stopped smiling. A few more eager individuals tried to keep dancing hoping that we would be encouraged to do the same. And a handful of unhappy party goers decided to boo us. We were definitely the prize winning boat of the parade.

(Notice the great mixture of panic, hesitation, and courage that is painted on the face of Jahn.)



("oh man i think i just saw a scrotum" quote taken from Matt who had just awoke from being sick and his reaction upon seeing the festivities around him)