We

all stumble through existence sideways I think.

A Year Passes In A Glance, A Moment Lasts A Lifetime

I AM ANGRY. My patience seems to grow shorter in each passing day. My time here seems only a countdown till I leave for Amsterdam. I feel like while trying to find a firmer hold on my faith I'm sliding backwards in my attempts. I feel conviction pushing me to change yet I refuse to budge. I AM SELFISH. My attempts at furthering my education has only yielded mediocre grades and apathy. The things that society has deemed important are the furthest from my mind. I find myself looking down on people I see in public; comparing them to myself and finding self-satisfaction when they don't stack up to my standards. I AM DISGUSTED AT THE PERSON I AM BECOMING. I can't believe that it has been 2 months since my last post. It feels like a year at least. My perception of time has always been skewed. I've always measured time by the events that have transpired.
I am in need of prayer.

In this life the one eyed lead the blind

But the best sighted amongst us can only see as far as their own face

For they cry out this is the dawning of a new era, while the others scream this is truly the end of days

Neither ones words ring false for the ones glass and metal spires never touch the burning ash and hollow husks of the others reality and

the malls are built to echo till the bustling voices in its expanses become one sound of greed and compliance

their walkways act as shoots for the cattle that are distracted by the fluorescent signs that feature half dressed men and women that act as blinders for the slaughterhouses true intentions

We were not meant to be

tied by these fetters

strapped to a machine that

filters our own ambitions

and synthesizes it back to us

in a form it deems acceptable

I've learned never to feel contentment

and it's so hard to be trusting

When we were taught as children to pick up ledgers and spades

to cast stones the size of boulders

and sharpen our teeth to points

Our actions only accumulate to a mark the size of a pin and our earnings have been slave to a thousand before

“tis something, nothing”

Life is not a footrace, nor some mountain to be climbed

Life is an ocean and I come with only a glass

Grace is spelled with Patience

For the last month I've felt restless and unfulfilled with myself. I have been yearning to grow in the Lord and I've felt that I have stunted myself for too long allowing day to day life to overwhelm me. But in the last few weeks He's given me clarity and understanding of what I should do. I've realized it's all a matter of where my heart is and doing things for the right reasons. For doing the seemingly right actions for selfish reasons is foolish. This has all led up to me coming to the understanding that God is showing me that time away this summer will be for the best.

In other news I get to see Have Heart on the 25th of this month with Harold Figg. I am ecstatic with anticipation.

Migration Season

I'm in my room listening to the sounds of Mr. Bill Cosby coming out of Ryan's Macbook. I miss clean comedians sometimes, original personalities that find witty ways to fill that hour or two of space without resorting to underhanded tactics or distasteful commentary. I also miss the days when Bill Cosby had his wits about him, he was a coherent and funny man and his humor is missed dearly.

There's a flock of birds on the horizon and they to beckon you to take to the sky

But your wings are clipped, they never did unfold

All you see are glass ceilings and fit your dreams into them

And the only sound that rings in your ears our your past mistakes

What is real and what they say are starting to look the same

You my dear are too young have to live for someone else

But theres a voice in your ear thats not your own

Every time you step out the door it calls you back home

Telling you to listen to its words for that's how your identity is formed

It promises you nothing but takes all you own

And I've realized that this voice is much stronger than my own

I cannot be heard when I feel blood well up in my throat

From the constant shouting, but youre beyond reproach

You've made your choice, clipped you're own wings

Instead of flying southward you hop from branch to branch

Only feeling winters sting and not the summer suns embrace

You've never known any other way


Well I was compelled to write for the last few minutes in the middle of the Bill Cosby blog lol, this is what I have, I guess things have been on my mind lately.

A Brief Question

What if the sum of all our talents and insights were not meant for a certain career path. What if the reason for the gifts that you have is for one defining moment, a golden opportunity that God has set in your life that will define not only you but perhaps touch the lives of those around you. I think it's a beautiful concept.

All I Have To Eat Is Ramen

After dragging my feet for well over 2 weeks I finally moved the rest of my personal effects to the new house from our old apartment. It only took 2 trips thanks to my dad and the help of our neighbor's truck. It was nice to be able to ride along with my father and talk like we used to. Riding with my dad brought back familiar feelings of security that I felt when I was young. The confident feeling of safety that I once took for granted while my father was driving us towards our destination. It made me realize that moving back in with my parents at the end of summer excites me. It is an amazing opportunity for me to reconnect with my family.

On another exciting note I met my new neighbors today. I'm from a small town where the neighbors we had were like family. Christmas cards were exchanged and countless pies, cookies, and pastries were given to one another over the years. I felt an obligation to at least introduce myself on behalf of our house. This was prompted in no small part to the fact that I was locked out of the house. After introducing myself I soon realized that the former tenants of the house we now inhabited left for Las Vegas without even a parting adieu. So for the last few weeks our much older neighbors had nary a clue why 5 loud and nocturnal college students had suddenly burst into their neighborhood like gangbusters and set up shop. After our brief introductions I feel I put our neighbors minds at ease, well they now know at least that we aren't drug dealers with the intent on laying waste to the neighborhood with our nefarious schenanigans.

I have these parting words of advice from Dr. Sidney Freedman of M*A*S*H,

"Ladies and Gentlemen, take my advice. Pull down your pants and slide on the ice."